"Friendly English" by Derek Allen: a hilarious and moving book written with warmth and a unique sense of humour

I’m currently reading Derek Allen’s “Friendly English”, published by Sperling & Kupfer. It’s a unique blend of autobiography and English language exercise book. It covers many topics normally ignored by conventional language books, e.g. sport (especially football), religion, (real) family relationships and humour. What comes through from this book is Derek’s personality and quirky sense of humour. Written in a conversational and richly-idiomatic style, “Friendly English” is the reading equivalent of spending a few hours in Derek’s company (which is always a delight!).

As with the originator of the “English tailored for Italians” genre, John Peter Sloan (with whom both Derek and I have worked on the Speak Now! series), Derek has managed to strike a careful balance between entertainment and education. Just as John’s brand of humour and insights reflect his experiences  of living in Italy and interacting with Italians, so Derek has also captured the magic and absurdity of being an Englishman in Italy in his own way. (There are many moments that will strike a chord with British expats, such as myself, and which Italian readers will also find revealing.) However, Derek’s approach and voice differ markedly from those of John. “Friendly English” is an incredibly personal and revealing account of key moments in Derek’s life, many of which are both moving and surprising at the same time. (I even found myself laughing out loud at certain points – not something you usually do with an English language course book!) Derek is a natural raconteur and storyteller. He also wears his learning lightly and is able to explore some quite deep subjects with a typically light touch.

The overall impression you get from reading “Friendly English” is of a wry sense of humour combined with a genuinely warm and forgiving personality (i.e. Derek Allen!).

Here’s a typical example of Derek’s finely-honed comic writing skills chosen at random from the book: I’m only 1.65 metres tall and as a result I have a full length portrait in my passport instead of the usual “face and shoulders”.

The book also offers some beautifully-observed details that open a window onto the strange and wonderful place that is Italy. Here’s Derek describing an “epiphany” moment while visiting Trapani in Sicily during his tour of the South:

I was walking along the promenade minding my own business when an old couple sitting on a stone bench called me over with their hands. The man was peeling a peach and wanted to offer me a piece, so I sat down and shared the fruit with them. We couldn’t really communicate at all – we were all gestures and broken-toothed smiles beside a deserted midday beach. I don’t think I’d ever experienced anything so completely unlooked-for in my life.

"Your Bard, mate!" Derek in Shakespearean
 mode from the "Speak Now!" series

However, “Friendly English” is also a well-structured English language book with a wealth of exercises, glossaries, notes, quotations, snippets of history, puns galore and odd facts. You can either read it through as a narrative and sequential course – or you can just dip in and read snippets. (It’s a great “bog read” – a book you can read on the toilet (!) as well as the perfect thing to read when you are moving around the city on the metro or tram.)

Click here to order your copy of "Friendly English" on Amazon.

You can find out more about "Friendly English" and stay up to date with Derek's English activities by visiting the "Friendly English" page on Facebook.

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UPDATE: Derek will be presenting “Friendly English” at the Mondadori Multicenter in Piazza Duomo, Milan on Thursday, 18 October 2012 at 18:30.

Meet Derek Allen and have your copy of “Friendly English” signed by the author!

Find out more: http://www.facebook.com/events/122437037906020/?fref=ts

Quick questions

Question: At school my English teacher told me that we always use the Present Continuous for actions happening at the time of speaking. What does this mean? What is “the time of speaking”?

Answer:  The time of speaking means when you say the sentence. For example, if you are driving to Rome and someone phones you (and you reply using your hands-free phone, of course) you would say: "I’m driving to Rome" because you are actually (really) doing the action when you say it (i.e. (that is) at the moment of speaking).

If you are sitting at home and someone asks you how you normally get to work, you would say “I drive” (using the Present Simple) because you are not driving at the moment you say the sentence.
So, if you are doing the action when you speak, you use the Present Continuous. But if you are not doing the action at the moment of speaking, use the Present Simple.


Question: When do we use “a” and when do when we use “an”?
Answer: Use the indefinite article “a” or “an” when you are talking about something (a noun) in general – not a particular, defined noun. Use “a” before a consonant sound, e.g. (for example) a book, a camera. Use “an” before a vowel sound, an apple, an umbrella. But be careful! Some words which begin with a vowel don’t have a vowel sound, e.g. a university.


Who is the Chancellor of the Exchequer – and what does he (or she) do?
The Chancellor of the Exchequer (usually referred to more simply as the Chancellor) is really just the British Finance Minister. The finance department is known in Britain as the Treasury. The current Chancellor of the Exchequer is the Conservative politician George Osborne, a minister in the Conservative-Liberal Democrat (Lib-Con) coalition government. 

Life in Italy and in the UK: some differences (1) Appearance

I have now been living in Milan for almost two years so I’ve had many opportunties to compare life in Italy with that in the UK. Some of the differences are obvious (orange trams v red buses, for example), while some are more subtle and take a while to appreciate fully, such as the varying attitudes towards authority, public institutions and figures – and, of course, religion – between the two countries.

Living in a foreign country you become an observer of the people you see every day, a sort of amateur social anthropologist, so I suppose most of the differences between living in Britain and living in Italy are simply due to the fact that most people here are Italian. Consequently, it’s impossible to separate living in Italy from the fact of being surrounded by Italians (and, of course, not being Italian yourself).

The most obvious difference between the Italians and the Brits is their relative appearance. This is especially true in Milan, where your appearance counts for a lot (if not quite everything). When I first arrived in Milan I was inevitably struck by the fact that walking down the street in this city is the closest you can come to attending a fashion show. (Let’s face it, it actually is a fashion show). Even after two years I am constantly surprised by the level of attention and thought that some people have obviously put into the act of getting dressed to go out. And I’m not talking about over-the-top clubbers on their way to a Rocky Horror theme night; no, I mean someone who’s gone to the post office and is standing in the queue to withdraw some cash from their savings account, but before leaving the house has transformed themselves into Katherine Hepburn waiting in the lobby of the Cairo Hilton for a telegram from the Aga Khan. After a while it seems – if not quite normal, then at least commonplace – to see ladies of a certain age in fur coats (and matching fur hats) with elaborate candyfloss hair and enough gold to stock a small Bond Street jewellers. Or perhaps it’ll be a willowy, wannabe supermodel in white drainpipe jeans, leopardskin bolero and outsize Aviators (which always remind me of a fly) tottering along the pavement on six-inch heels, dragging the obligatory chihuahua in red PVC trimmed with gold piping – and this is simply someone coming out of a delicatessen clutching a plastic bag full of cheese and ham, on their way their home to have their tea.

Of course Milan is the global capital of fashion – or of the fashion industry, at any rate – and even people from other regions consider the Milanese ultra-stylish. But paying close attention to the way you look and dress is, of course, an essential element in the make-up of all Italians. As a Brit with virtually no interest in my own clothes, other than that they are comfortable and (generally) clean, the Italian obsession with appearance can sometimes feel like a pervasive and slightly indulgent neurosis; a shared hang-up that’s simply got out of hand, to the extent that it would now seem churlish mentioning to someone that in the quarter of an hour they’ve just spent picking lint off their jumper they could have read an Economist article on quantitative easing.

Every culture defines itself by giving greater weight to things that outsiders generally consider trivial or irrelevant. While it’s a cliché, for instance, that the British always talk about the weather and are obsessed with tea, it is nonethless true that a typical English conversation in the UK will include a consideration of the seasonality (or otherwise) of the snow or rain that we’ve been having recently. (And if you don’t mind, I’d much rather you put the milk in first. In fact, it always tastes much better if you make it in a teapot...) It would be odd, then, if only some Italians – the Milanese, say – were image-mad, while appearance was of little or no concern to other Italians; as it is, the brand horses trotting between the boutiques of Milan’s quadrilateral (the four streets that border the main haute-couture shopping district) are simply expressing in a somewhat exaggerated way a tendency that is present in all their countrymen (and especially countrywomen).

Being polite in English

A lot of visitors to Britain are often struck by how polite the English are. If you go into a shop in Britain (particularly in a small town or village) you will often find that the shop assistant is almost excessively polite (or courteous). (It’s also possible, of course, that they will be quite brusque or even rude, especially if you are in a supermarket or large out-of-town retail park, but let’s stay with the cultural stereotype for the time being.) If you visit a small, independent shop (not part of a large chain) you will generally find that the person serving you – particularly if it’s the owner – is extremely courteous.


Making polite noises

When you are ready to pay for the goods you have chosen, the shopkeeper will probably ask you a question such as “Is that everything?” or “Have you got everything you need?” If your answer is in the affirmative (“Yes” or ideally, “Yes, thank you”) they will then tell you the total you have to pay – followed, naturally, by “Please” or “Thank you”:

“That’s £15.28 (“fifteen pounds, twenty-eight”), please / Thanks.”

You will then hand over the money. Let’s say you give the shopkeeper (or sales assistant) a twenty pound note. You could say “There you are” or “There you go” – and here most English people would add a “Thanks” or “Thank you”.

The shopkeeper takes the money: “Thank you. That’s twenty pounds.” They then calculate how much change to give you and count out the coins: “Right, that’s four (pounds) seventy-two change”. You, of course, say “Thank you” and the shopkeeper may say “Thank you” as well.

The shopkeeper may then ask you; “Would you like a bag?”. If you need one, you can say, “Yes, please”; if not, say “No thank you.” Of course, if you are not offered a bag you can ask, “Can I have a bag, please.” The shopkeeper will reply, “Certainly” or “Yes, of course.” Don’t forget to add another “thank you” when they hand you the bag or put your purchases in the bag and give it to you. They will then reply, “You're welcome” or perhaps “Thank YOU” stressing the “you”. As you leave the shop (or move away from the counter if you are in a large store) you should say “Bye” and add a “thank you” for good measure.

Does this seem excessively (and even ridiculously) polite to you? If your answer is “Yes” then the chances are that you are not British. Conversely, British people travelling abroad often find foreigners quite rude. Another problem facing native English speakers is that when they use what for them is the “normal” level of politeness the person they are speaking to may actually think they are being (mildly) sarcastic.

Expressions of politeness are undoubtedly influenced by the culture you belong to – but British English in particular seems to be in the “Champions League” of politeness, with only some other languages, such as Japanese, perhaps, demonstrating a higher level of deference. So, if you’re going to visit Britain my advice to you is to mind your “P’s and Q’s” (i.e. (that is) make sure you say “please” and “thank you”) and if you are not sure what to say, say something polite: it will always be appreciated.


Conversation: In a Bookshop

A tourist enters a small bookshop in London, ringing the bell as they open the door. The shopkeeper appears.

Shopkeeper: Hello. How can I help you?

Customer: Oh, hello. I was wondering if you’ve got a guide to places of interest in London (please).

Shopkeeper: Yes, of course. We’ve got a couple of tourist guides in our London section. Come this way, please.

(Customer follows the shopkeeper).

The shopkeeper shows the guides to the customer, who picks one and then they move back to the counter.

Shopkeeper: Right, so that’s “Visting London in A Day” and that’s £12.20 (twelve (pounds) twenty), please OR thank you very much.

Customer: (Giving the shopkeeper a twenty pound note): Thank you.

Shopkeeper: (Taking the banknote). That’s twenty pounds thank you. Would you happen to have the twenty (pence), please?

Customer: Oh, let me see. (Looks in purse). Yes, there you are. (Gives the shopkeeper the coin). Thank you

Shopkeeper: That’s lovely, Thank you. (Gives the customer their change). And that’s four pounds. Thank you.

Customer: Thank you.

Shopkeeper: Would you like a bag?

Customer: Oh, yes, please. (Thank you.)

Shopkeeper: (Puts the book in a bag and hands it to the customer.) There you go. Thank you very much.

Customer: Thank you.

Shopkeeper: Thank YOU.

Customer: (Leaving the shop) Thanks a lot. Bye.

Shopkeeper. You’re very welcome. See you again soon.

Customer: Bye.

Autumn: Hallowe'en

Tonight is the night when dead leaves fly...
The main calendar event of autumn, crouching at the end of October like a black cat peering into November and the beginning of winter is Hallowe’en (a term which derives from “All Hallows Eve”).

Originally a Celtic festival, Hallowe’en is now particularly associated with America, and elements of the US version have become globalised, mainly through our familiarity with films and TV shows. The key elements of Hallowe’en are now quite familiar, although some of their significance has been lost (or mangled) in cultural translation:

(S)mashing Pumpkins
Look in the window of any shop at this time of year and the chances are you will see a sinister grinning face cut out of an enormous pumpkin – perhaps with a light inside producing a supernatural glow from the eyes and serrated teeth. (This is known in North America as a Jack-o'-lantern.)

Although pumpkins are fairly common throughout Europe and North America throughout the year they seem to come into their own at Hallowe’en. Part of the botanical family that includes zucchini, courgettes and marrows, pumpkins make excellent autumn/ winter dishes and can be sliced, diced, mashed, boiled and baked. As well as making great comfort food (something hot and filling which is quite simple and unsophisticated), pumpkins feature in the traditional Thanksgiving dinner in North America.

In Italy, pumpkins seem significant merely for their seeds - and as the source material for self-consciously foreign Jack-o'-lanterns, visible mainly in shops and bars. Zucca (Italian for pumpkin) happens to be the name of the iconic café in the Galleria Vittorio Emmanuele in Milan’s Piazza Duomo, where Gaspare Campari launched his eponymous drink.)


Trick or treat?
Trick or treat (often used in the phrase "to go trick or treating") is the main activity associated with Hallowe'en. Let's have a quick look at the what the words trick and treat mean first:

• A treat is something very nice (and usually unexpected). For example, if a child at school gets excellent grades in the end of year tests, their parents may take them to a theme park or the cinema as a treat. You can also treat someone to something, such as a free meal in a restaurant – or, indeed, you can treat yourself, or give yourself a treat.
  (Note that treat also has the completely different meaning of “give medical attention / care to”, e.g. a doctor can treat a patient for a disease or other condition, such as chronic (long-term) backache.)
  
• A trick is the complete opposite. If you trick someone (or play a trick on them) it means you do something horrible to upset that person.
  

On Hallowe’en children wearing fancy dress (including witches' hats, vampire teeth, skeleton costumes, devil masks and anything else supernatural or creepy) knock on people’s doors and shout “Trick or treat!”. The person inside the house can either choose to give the children a small gift or risk having a trick played on them. Typical tricks might include strewing toilet paper all over their garden, spraying silly string over their front door, knocking over their rubbish bins or sealing up their letter box with wax. (In Britain, depending on the socio-economic status of the neighbourhood and the region the occupant of the house may either put this down (attribute) to youthful exuberance or start an argument which can escalate into a full-scale dispute with the police being called.
Conversely, trick or treat is a well-established and accepted part of North American culture (where it originates from in its modern form). People prepare for the arrival of the trick or treaters by baking little cakes and making sweets which they hand out to their ghoulish visitors. In Britain the tradition has never really been integrated into the cultural life of the nation, so people are uncertain how to react to having a gang of vampires and ghouls turn up (arrive) on their doorstep. A lot of children simply take the occasion as an opportunity to demand some loose change, while those in more deprived areas might actually use the situation as a chance to settle scores on unpopular neighbours or to terrorise older residents, many of whom don’t really understand what the whole thing is about.

(On the topic of socially-accepted forms of manic but non-threatening behaviour, I have to say that I found the celebrations in Milan for Carnevale in February something of a revelation. The soft-centred - and largely alcohol-free - daytime festivities in Piazza Duomo (intended mainly for children) are a riot with thousands of people "attacking" each other with confetti (coriandoli) and silly string – but without any of the associated tensions or public order problems that usually marr similar events in the UK (in particular the Notting Hill Carnival). I think this will be a future (seasonal) blog post.)
Monster Munch
Hallowe’en parties seem to be mainly either the preserve of either children or an excuse for clubbers to dress up as ghouls and vampires at a themed event. As with 5th November, there isn’t an associated holiday, widely-observed religious festival like Christmas (but see All Saints Day below) or critical secular moment, such as New Year’s Eve (particularly on the following day) so the prospect of a wild celebration followed by what could be a working day has little appeal to people who have already left school or have only just heard of Facebook.
However, a few traditions survive, notably traditional Hallowe’en games, such as “bobbing for apples”, which involves biting an apple floating around in a bowl of water – try it: it’s harder than it sounds.
Incidentally, All Saints Day on the 1st November and All Souls Day on the 2nd are purely religious occasions for churchgoers in the UK – very much a minority of the population. All Souls Day, which is hugely significant here in Italy, seems to be a particularly Catholic occasion. There is no UK equivalent of the streams of Italian families tidying up relatives' graves and placing bunches of fresh flowers on them in preparation for the main All Souls Day - or the all-night graveside vigils held throughout the (particularly Spanish-speaking) Catholic world.)

Is there anyone there?
Both Hallowe’en and All Souls Day are characterised by radically different ways of thinking about death, the after-life and the “other side” in general. Whereas Hallowe’en is treated as a bit of a laugh – with kids dressing up as characters from the Adams Family – All Souls Day is a serious, sombre occasion in countries where the Church is still highly influential. However, in a largely secular country like Britain – and in the non-religious sections of North American society – the “big questions” still need to be addressed: life, the universe and everything. Perhaps the folk culture of the past, pagan traditions and modern horror films that draw on ancient superstitions and legends seem more palatable to those who have little or no connection with conventional organised religion. Just as Dan Brown tapped into a vast subterranean reservoir of secular interest in things spiritual and religious by means of the best-selling mystery thriller “The Da Vinci Code” – so the appearance of miniature mummies, ghosts and Freddie Krugers at Hallowe’en could represent one aspect of a nagging secular suspicion that there might be something more to life than PSPs, Nikes and Chicken McNuggets®.

Autumn: Harvest Festival and Thanksgiving

Bringing in the sheaves
Living in a city you have a hugely distorted sense of the traditional significance of the seasons. The end of the summer and the beginning of autumn is when crops are harvested and all sorts of vegetables, such as carrots, potatoes, leeks, turnips, marrows and pumpkins reach maturity. Since most types of food are available all year round (such as strawberries flown in at Christmas time) we city-dwellers have little appreciation of how the seasons shape life in the country.

The custom of the harvest festival still survives in churches (and some schools). Produce from the fields and from gardens is brought into the church and the congregation offer thanks for the natural bounty supplied by the Lord (or whoever you think supplies it – perhaps for most people in Britain it is now Tesco’s, the UK’s largest supermarket chain).

While many schools and schoolteachers are reluctant to promote religion when they lack religious convictions themselves, the harvest festival is still a feature of British school life (with or without religious overtones). It seems like a good idea to not take the food we eat for granted and to at least consider that while food may be abundant in the rich countries of the west and the northern hemisphere its scarcity is a fact of life in many other parts of the less developed (or poor) world.

I remember when I was at school that everyone would bring something from home – perhaps a tin of baked beans or a packet of biscuits and it would all be stacked on the stage for a full-school assembly (which, looking back now, must have made the headmaster and the senior teachers look slightly like delegates at a trade fair promoting a range of household brands). After the service the food would be donated to a local old people’s home or children’s home. I actually still think that’s a good thing to do – whether or not there’s an accompanying religious service.

In a similar vein, the American festival of Thanksgiving, held in November, marks the first harvest produced by the Pilgrim Fathers – the Puritan settlers who left Europe and landed in New England. Thanksgiving is only celebrated in the US (and Canada) and is a bit of a mystery to most Brits who only really know about it from films and TV programmes or the fact that Wall Street is closed for a public holiday. Thanksgiving dinner features a turkey (which is what the British have for Christmas dinner) with cranberry sauce (ditto) and pumpkin pie (which doesn’t really exist in the UK).

With a significant North American expatriate population in (west) London (due mainly, but not entirely to the phenomenal success of the romantic comedy “Notting Hill”*), some shops now cater for customers in search of typical Thanksgiving fare. A posh (high-class) butcher near Holland Park tube station (close to the London School of English, where I used to teach) has a sign in the window at this time of year advising its well-heeled stateside clientele that they can now order their Thanksgiving turkeys. I’m sure a similar offer must be made to the Americans and Canadians in Milan by at least one enterprising butcher, but I haven’t seen any firsthand evidence of this. (If you’re an American or Canadian in Milan, or a butcher, I’d love to hear.)

*Click here to see a picture of Notting Hill Underground station and other picture postcard views of London.

Autumn

The days are getting shorter and the nights are drawing in; the leaves on the trees are turning yellow, red and brown; and nearly everyone has gone back to work or to school: it’s autumn. In the first of a series of articles English teacher Robert Dennis looks at some of the customs and festivals associated with the “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness”.

Click here to see the vocabulary notes for this article. There are also some comprehension questions on this page at the end of the article (and you can see the answers here).

Autumn or fall?
In British English we call this season autumn; in the United States it’s generally known as fall. If you’re a keen “fashionista” (and here in Milan that covers most people) you will notice that some brands have an autumn/ winter collection, while others opt for a fall/winter one. (The collections, of course, have been presented long before autumn - or fall - arrives). Luckily, spring and summer have the same names on both sides of the Atlantic.

When does autumn actually begin?
There are, in fact, “official” dates for when the seasons start: technically, autumn starts at around the time of the autumnal equinox (21st September). However, most people will probably trust their own senses rather than a bureaucratic calendar to tell them when the seasons change.

The end of summer always seems to come quite quickly. As Shakespeare noted in Sonnet 18 (“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”) "summer’s lease hath all too short a date”. Perhaps because it signals the end of the holidays and the return to normality, we all psychologically will the summer to continue; but it never does. For me, seeing shop windows full of new school uniforms, pencil cases and geometry sets is the sign that summer is about to end and the autumn set to begin.

Even though it is closer to the end of the calendar year, autumn marks the beginning of the academic year for schools and universities. It is also the period when politicians return to Westminster after the party conference season for the pageantry of the State Opening of Parliament (when the Queen rides in a gold coach drawn by six white horses and reads a speech written for her by the Prime Minister). This is also when the Jewish New Year begins, the Hindu festival of Diwali is celebrated and the month-long fast of Ramadan occurs.

But maybe the most dramatic change that really marks the end of summer and the start of autumn proper is the end of British Summer Time (BST) when the clocks go back one hour, returning to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT): the sudden, premature curtailing of the day earlier in the evening has the psychological effect of a curfew or blackout being imposed; in effect, the long summer nights have been cut in half and there is little attraction in braving the low temperatures and gloom of the night simply for the benefit of being outside. (Although if you’re in the centre of Milan at this time of year you can sit under a canopy outside one of the swanky bars in Corso Vittorio Emmanule II (a pedestrianised shopping street near the Duomo) and roast in the crimson glow of a patio heater while you sip your coffee – and breathe in other people's cigarette smoke, which (thankfully) is unnecessary if you are inside the bar itself.)

Read the vocabulary notes for this article.

Comprehension questions for Autumn:
How much of this article did you understand? See if you can answer these questions and then look at the answers:

• What does it mean if you say the nights are drawing in?
• What are customs?
• What’s the difference between autumn and fall?
• When does autumn officially begin?
• Why (according to the article) does the summer seem to end too quickly?
• Which events traditionally take place (happen) in the autumn? (Some of these are covered in other areas of the Milan English blog).

Click here now to see the answers to these comprehension questions.

Check out the vocabulary for this article or read the next article in the series: Autumn: Harvest Festival and Thanksgiving